A Better Man

A few years ago, I glanced across the room at my young son realized that I was staring at "Mini Me."  Frequently, I would catch him mimicking my mannerisms, no matter how subtle.  He would use the same words I would use at times.  When I would behave badly, he would behave badly right along with me.  I did not set out to teach him any of those things.  I thought to myself, "uh oh."  He is going to be who I show him I am, not who I tell him to be.

When my son was three years old, one of his favorite games to play was "Shoulders." In "Shoulders," my role was to hoist my son on my shoulders and then run the length of our backyard until HE got tired.  Needless to say, "Shoulders" was always a quick game.  One of the reasons "Shoulders" never lasted very long is because my son was a big 'ol boy back then, almost unnaturally big.  He was a load to put on my shoulders!  As all Daddies do, I would also look at my son and fast forward into the future.  


In my mind's eye, I saw a him as football player, a defensive end with bad intentions.  I saw him coming around the end like a freight train, blowing up the QB, scooping up the ensuing fumble and running 57 yards to the end zone, putting more space between he and the competition with each stride.

As he reached the end zone, he looked up into the stands to look for me, but saw only an empty seat where I should have been sitting.  You see, this was his tribute to his late father, me, who passed away years earlier.

When I snapped out of that daydream, if it can be called that, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw someone I would not want him to be - at least physically.  And I knew he was copying my every move.  So if I wanted a different future for him tomorrow, I had to be different today.  I wanted him to be able to look at me as the blueprint, not the cautionary tale.

Why do I stay fit?  Why do I get up at 4am or sometimes earlier to work out?  Why do I work out when I used to sleep?  Why do I moderate when I used to indulge?  Why do I find a way when I used to find an excuse?  


My children, my son and his little sister, make me want to be a better man.